I will never be fearless
Nor do I wish to be
I have let go
Of my childish fears of mythical creatures
Although I can admit
It calms me
To fall asleep looking at the sky
However small slither of it I may see
I like to wake up
And see the sky change colors
It’s the tranquility
In nature’s unfabricated beauty
That lets me believe
Things will be alright.
Even in my optimistic view
I do not live with rose-colored glasses
There are many a thing
That do go thump and bump
In the night and day.
I do not fear forces I cannot see
My instincts protect me
From threats headed
Directly towards me
What I do fear
Is being ridiculed by misunderstanding.
I fear false idols
Since we are all only human
And I’ve met no one that’s perfect
I fear people may catch
Only a glimpse of me
And make all sorts of assumptions
Of the melodies I hum
The lyrics that nourish me
These were lessons learned
At a steeper price
Than I would want
Anyone else to pay
Although I am very much aware
My life has been much easier than others
Music speaks to me, at times for me and through me
I dance to make sense
Of my own awkwardness.
I’ve never craved
To be center of attention
Even though I often position myself
In the middle and inbetween things.
I fear destruction
Not because I can’t see the value
In clearing space and starting fresh
I fear the inability to make things better
I fear my shyness
Is misunderstood as arrogance
My apprehension
Is solely based on my experience
That things in life are rarely free
Its even rarer to meet a person
That genuinely cares.
I fear misplaced and unfulfilled expectations
I do not have answers
For questions I am still formulating.
My biggest fear is loneliness
And this isn’t because I’m afraid of
Being alone
I fear I won’t find
The person I want to share my life with
Wants to share his life with me
I fear craving companionship
Only brings the wrong suitors
I relish my independence
But fear it also isolates me.

-Vanessa Hernandez

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