I remember the time
I felt my knees tremble
My chest felt tight,
I tried to steady my breath
I looked into his eyes
Then his smile
As desire rolled up my belly
I took in a deep breath
Trying to keep my composure,
His smile widened
Just feeling his eyes on me
Another ball of desire
Rolled down my belly
To my knees
And I felt certain
I was going to faint
All because
He was standing so close
Our arms were almost
Physically touching.

When we did touch
A light kiss on the cheek
Or a hand to steady my elbow
I felt complete.
For a brief second
I could breathe in
His cologne his aftershave
And everything else stopped
I wanted more
But reality would set in
And we’d both blush
As if trying to hide the obvious
From each other
And from other people.

I spent what felt
Like a lifetime
Searching for mental compatibility
The kind that I had to push myself
In order to keep up
For someone that was just
As interested in what came out my mouth
As he was in my lips
For someone that guided me
But knew how to value to my opinion
For someone that could teach me
Things I don’t know
And was also willing
To learn from me.

As I write I wonder
Do these kind of feelings last
Or did I let my desire
Get ahead of my common sense?

-Vanessa Hernandez

poem audio recording