I lost and found myself
In my memories
Some were too painful to relive
The moments I shut myself down
I erased those from my memory.

I can’t wash away the past
But I can decide what my future will be.

I buried this thought deep in my subconscious
So I could
Keep my feelings in check
Attempt to understand everything around me
Without getting lost in the noise
My emotions so close to the surface
My chest would quiver
And I needed a way to calm myself,
So I started to recall happy moments
I remembered these events in perfect detail
In my mind I’d play them over and over again
Until I found myself
Able to breathe without trembling.

I lost and found myself
In my memories
Now I guard my most prized possessions
My mind,
My heart,
My spirit
And search for moments
That bring me joy
That foster peace.

-Vanessa Hernandez